Wednesday, 2 September 2015

The Advantages of a blaster, or why I will take my blaster over your creepy beliefs any day.

We’ve all heard people say you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. We’ve also heard them say that the start of wars is in fact the failure of diplomacy. I’d rather say that is all hogwash. Diplomacy is nothing more than lulling someone into a false sense of security as you find the perfect weapon to gun them down. Instead of wasting so much time and energy, I’d rather have my blaster on hand for several obvious reasons.


1. It’s a ranged weapon
Everyone knows what blasters are. Some of you had child sized ones in your youth. Others have them nowadays as weapons of both offense and defense. Pointing out the fact that a blaster is a ranged weapon as an advantage is perhaps going for the obvious. However, it is an important, if not the most important aspect of having a blaster. Why is that you may ask?
For me, it means that I get to shoot at enemies from a distance and also have enough time to run if things go south. No mission can ever go without a hitch and being able to use ranged weapons as opposed to fighting in close quarters can mean the difference between life and death. For another, it means I can settle myself in a relatively protected position while I engage in combat. I might even be able to pick off all my enemies from a distance and then saunter away without a care in the world – for the moment at the very least.

2. It never jams
Have you ever been in a battle and just in the thick of it your gun jammed? It’s not like you could have raised your hands, called a ceasefire and begged very prettily not to get gunned down until you unjammed your weapon. Nor could you have started waiving a white flag and tried talking your way out of it. Been there, done that and all I can tell you is that crawling under the hail of bullets and ducking from the beams of energy weapons to try and requisition a gun from a dead enemy – or comrade – is not an easy feat.
Blasters don’t jam. They don’t break down out of the blue. I’ve had my trusty blaster for close to five years now and it has never failed me so far. No amount of pretty words or heated beliefs will ever get you out of a pinch quite as fast as the ray of a blaster will. 

3. More ammo, more versatility and more power
Bullet based weapons are good in a pinch. You fire, hope to hit your target in the right way – because otherwise he can fire right back at you – and all in all get your job done with them. However, it is a known fact they have less ammo than a blaster. You’ve got to carry enough bullets with you because ammunition is not standardized. You can’t just grab some spare one from your friends – or dead foes – if you run out. They might be using different calibers. Moreover, they are almost useless against droids and harder to use on armor. 
Now, let’s get back to blasters. The power cells are cheaper and more standardized. With the right weapon you can even shoot through more than one target, be it organic or droid. They are highly effective against armor and some even come with adjustable damage levels. If nothing else, you can use it to light your cigar during downtime as opposed to hunting for a lighter through half of your base. What’s more, you can even use it as a highly effective blowtorch.   
Bonus Reason: It makes you look cool
I admit perhaps this is not exactly a valid reason. But we live in a world at war where every day could bring the destruction of another planet at the hands of the Xothic. If we need to give up on the normalcy of our lives to partake in this war, at least let us do so while looking good.

No comments:

Post a Comment